Generally speaking, women find men’s sexuality shamelessly obvious and simple. We think that men should always be at our beck and call, ready to unzip their trousers any minute we feel like it. When, in fact, their specific sexuality is very often a mystery for themselves, as well. It’s because it’s not as widely discussed as women’s erotic sphere.
We’ve been taught that sex is still in a woman’s emotional range while for men, it’s nothing but thoughtless satisfying their animal needs. Both assumptions actually are extremely harmful myths that we have to debunk immediately!
What are men really struggling with?
The Female Ostracism
Men don’t talk, don’t share their true experiences nor emotions. Or should I say — we’re not used to that men are able and want to talk. And we’re not used to listening to men. Usually, we’re scared of what they have to share with us — especially when it comes to sex. We can’t accept that they would like to buy sex dolls and experiment with them with us or that they don’t feel like having sex this week at all.
These two situations are extreme (however, absolutely realistic!) but you get the picture. We either start blaming ourselves for being not enough for our men or accusing them of being repulsive animals not respecting our feelings.
We must be fully aware that men are horribly frightened of our reactions and judgments. Many of them prefer to avoid confrontation and potentially hurt pride so they decide to keep their problems and fantasies away from their partners.
Always on Guard
From an early age, men get used to getting an almost immediate erection practically regardless of a situation and mood. Teenagers and young adults keep bragging about their alleged sexual conquests and trophies.
It’s nothing but socially accepted objectification not only of sex and women but also of their very own sexuality. Boys have no idea how much of a burden this distortion will become in the future.
What’s just as harmful, as girls, we’re being constantly alarmed that men only have one thing on their minds. As women, on the other hand, we still are slightly immersed in this belief and we actually expect our partners to get ready and horny with just a snap of a finger.
This deeply rooted, twisted way of thinking can cause havoc in our current and future relationships — unfulfilled expectations and unsatisfied sexual needs mean inevitable misunderstandings, conflicts, and frustration.
Stress, Insecurity, and Other Emotions
The unrealistic expectations and fear of disappointment can develop various complexes and insecurities both in women and men.
When it comes to us, women, we think it’s understandable and normal that many of us don’t like their bodies and want to have sex with the lingerie on and the lights off. After all, we’re here to be watched, touched, and admired. Men usually just do their job and that’s it. It might not be what all women in the world think, but this prejudicial misconception is common enough to get it highlighted in the article.
Men are brought up to be independent, indestructible Vikings. If not by their parents, then by their alfa-male friends, first inexperienced girlfriends, pop culture, and unfair, deep-rooted social stereotypes. While the truth is, men and women are also emotionally equal.
Men may want to have sex with their clothes on and the lights off. They may not want to have sex at all or to interrupt the intercourse because of stress, complexes, or trauma. It can happen and it doesn’t make them less of a real man.
The Weirdest Dualism
We can observe the most peculiar tendency among men — a distinctive split between themselves and their penises. As if a man and his penis wouldn’t be available as a 100% coherent package.
It’s disturbingly common that men seeing a sexologist are actually telling on their penises at first instead of trying to figure out the actual problems stuck in their heads. Most of the male patients are presenting their penises as defective tools and expect their sexologist to make the tools work again.
The impervious Vikings can’t believe that it’s mostly their psyche playing tricks on them — natural-born sex machines. The relationship between a man and his penis (a separate being) shows in the clearest way how the upbringing, puberty, and women’s ignorance interfere with a man’s sexuality and self-image.
What Can We Do for Our Partners?
Is it possible that we could help our male partners accept their sexuality fully and understand themselves better? Happily, the answer is yes!
Firstly, we need to reject the sense of obviousness and our existing knowledge on men generally — re-educate yourself! Instead of absorbing all the Cosmo nonsense, reach for a specialised book or even consult a sexologist yourself!
Secondly, don’t approach your partner as if he were a small compound of the giant mass of the world’s masculinity. He’s just as unique as you! Talk to him and hear him out. Make him feel safe around you. You absolutely can’t be his therapist but you are his partner in any crime — he has to know it. No pressure, let him open up at his own pace.
Keep in mind that goodwill and communication can work miracles — also in the bedroom!