35 Surreal Letterkenny Quotes about Life, Love, and Farming

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letterkenny quotes

A lot of things come from mighty Canada, but not many are as awesome as Letterkenny. Starting its seventh season this year, Letterkenny offers even more quick wit and amazing punch lines. In fact, the writing seems to be getting even better as the show progresses, which is why it’s still one of my favorites.

Now, not everyone is well-versed in Canadian colloquialisms, but after an episode or two, you’ll be a true pro. If you’ve never seen Letterkenny, here are the best Letterkenny quotes to persuade you to venture into the land of Canadian foul-mouthed comedy TV.

35 Best Letterkenny Quotes That You Need in Your Life

Letterkenny Quotes to Make You Laugh

#1. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.” — Wayne

#2. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.” — Wayne

#3. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er.” — Everyone

#4. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” — Coach

#5. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.” — Katy

#6. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.” — Wayne

#7. “Here’s a poem. Star light, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.” — Wayne

#8. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.” — Wayne

#9. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.” — Wayne

Letterkenny Quotes to Incorporate into Your Daily Life

#10. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” — Wayne

#11. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.” — Wayne

#12. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” — Katy

#13. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.” — Wayne

#14. “Jonesy: We need backup, boys.

Wayne: Hard no.

Reilly: Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?

Wayne: Not my pig, not my farm.

Jonesy: Where’s the sacrifice?

Wayne: Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood.”

#15. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.”  — Daryl

#16. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.”  — Wayne

#17. “Squirelly Dan: You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you.

Katy: Is that what you appreciate about me?

Wayne: Let’s go easy over there, Squirelly Dan.

Squirelly Dan: Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.”

#18. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” — Wayne

#19. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.” — Wayne

#20. “Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.” — Reilly

#21. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” — Wayne

Letterkenny Quotes That Make Perfect Colorful Insults

#22. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” — Wayne

#23. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” — Wayne

#24. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya.” — Wayne

#25. “Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what A Series of Unfortunate Events you been through, you ugly fuck.” — Jonesy

#26. “Daryl: You guys do CrossFit?

Wayne: You can cross fuck off.”

#27. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.” — Daryl

#28. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.” — Katy

#29. “Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.” — Wayne

#30. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.” — Wayne

#31. “Reilly: Fuck you Shoresy! Put a shirt on.

Jonesy: Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses.”

#32. “Oh yeah? What’s gonna happen, Shoresy?”

3 things: I hit you, you hit the pavement and I jerk off on your driver’s side door handle.”

#33. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” — Gail

#34. “Jonesy: Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s?

Wayne: I think you come in men enough for all of us.”

#35. “Jonesy: Fuck you, Shoresy, you’re a terrible fuckin ref!

“Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!”

To Conclude

If you haven’t seen Letterkenny yet, now’s the right time to start binge-watching it. Hopefully, some of these quotes will inspire you to not only watch the show but also bring your Canadian game to a whole other level.

Dealing with life in a small rural town, Letterkenny is the perfect fast-paced depiction of the slow, rural life. Following the entangled lives of people who’ve known each other forever, it’s sprinkled with amazing quotes and insults.